


I fell in love with her in stages (my whole life)

by oH_cRaMiTY_iTs_aMiTY



Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: Based on a The 1975 Song, F/F, Family, Gay, Love, amy and hope are gay, not a songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:15:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25734922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oH_cRaMiTY_iTs_aMiTY/pseuds/oH_cRaMiTY_iTs_aMiTY
Summary: I've been in love with her for agesAnd I can't seem to get it rightI fell in love with her in stagesMy whole life
Relationships: Amy/Hope (Booksmart)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41
Collections: Mentally_Unstable_Gays





	I fell in love with her in stages (my whole life)

**Author's Note:**

> _might delete this later because this is actually trash, but enjoy this ig._
> 
> (also... idk how to tag this... but yeah)
> 
> __(I keep thinking about them to "Me & You Together Song" by The 1975... maybe i'll write an actual story fic later... idk... tell me if i should... but until then you get this heaping dumpster fire of domestic hope and amy.)__

_Hope never expected it to be anything more than the phone calls and casual emails, but somehow it became that way._

It begins with a phone call sometime after 2 AM on a Monday morning, and Hope suspects the time difference between Botswana and LA could only be so different compared to anything else Hope had ever encountered in her day.

But it's a phone call, somewhere in the middle of July. The weather in LA is as perfect as it always was, and somehow Hope finds the strength to reach her hand up to grab her phone off of her night stand. She's thankful that she did now, but Amy's wide awake voice fills her right ear.

Maybe Hope's momentarily stunned by it, but she breaks out in a wide smile as Amy asks her what was going on in her life, like it was some kind of natural thing to call.

And maybe Hope forgets to tease her about the inconsiderate time difference. In all honesty, Hope couldn't care less if it came down to it.

Perhaps that was when Hope knew she loved Amy, though she thinks there's more to that statement then just one event.

Truth is, if Hope had to go and put an exact timestamp onto when she knew, it started back in grade school.

The first time she had met Amy it was the first day of second grade, her parents had moved into a higher tax district, and Hope remembers Amy had these thin rimmed glasses that always slid down the tiny bridge of her nose.

She didn't have many freckles there compared to now, but Hope still felt something strange tugging deep down.

Amy always had her face in a book too, and secretly Hope would always write the title down somewhere in a notebook to read by herself later. Another thing that Hope had always noted, was the fact that there was always a single immaculate number two pencil in the top ridge of her desk whenever Hope would pass by it daily.

Yes, and maybe that's where it all started, falling in love with Amy Antsler in mere stages throughout their whole upbringing, or that's how Hope liked to think about it.

She never expected it to turn into phone calls at 2 AM because she couldn't sleep, or just wondered what Amy was doing.

They couldn't usually talk for long, something about the international data rates being utterly ridiculous, so they emailed.

Attaching photos using pictures from Amy's international flip-phone.

Maybe Hope found that interesting, the nature of their conversations, scenery, and Amy herself.

_It wasn't ever sexual._

Hope never expected it to become that way, but in time she found herself wishing for more than just basic photos and phone calls.

But she never put anything into it, never wanted to draw the line further from what Amy was doing.

She did however, as much as she tried to deny herself the pleasure of it, started to realize that she was quickly falling in love with each letter or emote Amy sent. Hope tried to push the feelings away, seemingly wanting to just enjoy the friendship she never had the luxury of having back when they knew each other in person.

So when Amy called to tell her that her plane had landed in LA’s local airport, Hope was somewhat surprised. Hope figured Amy would've asked literally anyone else in the world to pick her up, but she didn't.

_It was her._

And maybe Hope was ecstatic about that, but she wouldn't admit that aloud.

It's only for the summer, Amy was set to drive to New York a few days before her classes started, but Hope was also planning on doing the same.

So they end up figuring out a situation to carpool along the way.

* * *

With what begins as phone calls and casual emails quickly grew into kissing and casual flings after days of being around each other.

Hope doesn't mind at all, quite the opposite actually, there's something about Amy's face that just makes sense to Hope, and maybe that would seem strange to most, but Hope seriously doesn't mind it.

Actually, she would be lying if she said she didn't want more of it.

They don't talk about it much, frankly because there really isn't much to talk about other than the fact that they're still the same two kids from high school.

Hope's found her nerve not to tease Amy, and Amy's found the nerve not to over think everything.

_And that's kind of nice for once._

But Amy still insistently defends Molly in conversations, and Hope still constantly bashes her, Hope figures that not much ever changes in a year.

It still feels like Hope is still learning new things about Amy however, like the fact that she has no favorite color because of some belief that choosing one would be ultimately be discriminatory to the rest.

_(It's yellow.)_

They still have their 2 AM talks though, the only difference is that Amy's just there now and there isn't a time difference separating them.

No obscure data rates, nothing.

Hope's thankful for that part however, she liked hearing the sound of Amy’s voice as she falls asleep.

* * *

There's nothing that progresses the words to be said, but they hang in the air and sit there for minutes as Amy quickly tugs her clothes back on in a certain panic.

It's pouring rain outside.

Something seriously rare, and Hope swears by everything holy that it must have been some sort of sign between them. It could only be a plausible answer to the reason she ran outside in only her bra and jeans drenched in the middle of the street with Amy in some sort of nervous mess.

They had some wine, it was self-explanatory, the gears got turning and it was becoming another one of Hope's many memories.

But she's halfway through the whole ordeal when Amy blurts it out ever so suddenly, it's laced with a breathy moan, but it makes something in Hope’s gut do a complete 180.

Three words that Hope hadn’t have ever thought would ever come up in a situation like that.

Or from Amy herself, actually.

She swears that if she wasn't as drunk as she was, she knows part of her wouldn't have gone after Amy like she did, she wouldn't have told her she felt the same, that it meant more to her too.

Hope wouldn't have ran up to Amy and kissed her so suddenly, something that sends unknown signals from one to another while seemingly making your own head spin.

_And just like that everything changes._

There was no exact time where Hope fell in love with Amy, it was more like subtle stages, but they became more prominent through time.

To tell you that Hope knew that this would become what it was, would be an utter lie.

_She had no idea._

But neither one of them propose, maybe Amy blurts that out too, but Hope wouldn't hold her against that.

The truth was that Hope had been thinking of that from day one of Amy being back in LA.

She started thinking about it after they started sleeping together, and maybe she kind of liked the thought of it, the images of what that could be.

Maybe she loved Amy whenever she stepped off of that plane back into LA, Hope couldn’t tell.

Getting married becomes some sort of mutual interest between the both of them however, it ends up falling into the hands of time and when both of them graduated, Hope from NYU and Amy from Columbia.

There was also the topic of knowing what Amy wanted out of life after graduation, where she wanted to go, who she wanted to be, that sort of thing.

But if Hope was frank about that, she would go wherever Amy went. From New York to Antarctica if she was honest.

Maybe that’s how Hope knew that she loved Amy too, knowing that she’d willingly pick up her life to follow Amy wherever she went.

She wonders now if Amy ever really knew that, the whole fact of her self-control being slim to none at Amy’s personal will. Hope would come running at the drop of a hat.

Annabelle would start to make her routine calls after they had graduated however, the majority being the same spiel of always giving her shit about that, how Hope was so unbelievably whipped and there was no denying that Amy and her deserved to be together. Hope wouldn’t deny the fact that Amy and her deserved that though.

But the rest? Yeah, Hope would tell her to fuck off about that.

There was no way she was going to diminish her own reputation for some nerd.

Well, her wife actually.

Somehow they do get married later down the road though, it’s at the hands of the state of New York, and Molly holds Amy up to having some kind of ceremony after signing the papers.

Though, unlike Molly, Hope understands how Amy hates being the center of the attention, and she doesn’t press for anything big, it wasn’t exactly in their budget anyway.

They dressed up nice and got take-out afterwards.

Basically speaking, the two of them did everything they weren’t supposed to do to celebrate a wedding.

And for some reason, Hope’s totally cool with that part, she doesn’t need a flashy ceremony to officially call herself some title in Amy’s book.

However, at the same time, Hope doesn't like that, she somehow always wants to give Amy attention, wanting to make her feel wanted and always the center of everything. Hope adores the fact that Amy hates it when she compliments her.

She does it more _because_ of the fact that Amy is so dumbstruck by it.

Amy’s always so utterly baffled and squeamish about them, and somehow Hope always finds her in a blushing mess every time she does choose to compliment her.

It’s always basic things too, clothing choice, her eyes, that sort of thing.

But in Hope’s opinion, Amy not being able to take compliments seemingly made her more beautiful.

And of course Hope always compliments her blush too.

Hope loves her after all, why wouldn’t she love that especially?

* * *

_Family._

It's something Amy brings up one of those nights at 2 AM.

Starting one.

The question of It doesn’t fully sink in until Hope really thinks about it more than just for a few minutes, they’re laying in a way where she’s curled around Amy’s back half, lips pressing against the back of her neck, placing small comforting kisses there, before trailing them down to her shoulder.

There’s subtle freckles there too, she doesn’t have to have the lights on to know those sorts of things anymore.

She never really did anyway.

But the thought of how she ever deserved to get to this position always fills her brain nightly, she’s still bewildered half of the time whenever she wakes up most mornings.

_Scratch that._

_Every morning._

But she does, and she’d be lying if she said that she wasn’t thankful for it.

It still puzzled her, regarding the out of the ordinary question from Amy, she thought that she had a great thing going between the both of them.

_A family?_

_Amy wanted to start a family?_

_With her?_

“And how would we do that?” She whispered, Amy takes a deep breath before sighing softly.

“Obviously one of us would carry it,” Amy murmurs back.

“We’re talking about a baby right?” Hope clarified, “Not just a cat or fish?”

_“Hope.”_

And that’s when the thought implants itself into her brain firmly, maybe there was something alluring in the fact that this could be seriously something that could be full of possibilities.

“I mean if you want that baby.”

“I want that,” Amy replies, “With you.”

“Who,” Hope swallowed abruptly, licking her lips before opening her mouth to speak, “Who do you have in mind to uh, carry it?”

Hope never for a minute expected this conversation, never for a moment expected wanting children.

Hell, most of Hope’s life she thought she was going to die alone, with seven cats in an outdated trailer somewhere in the southern states.

“I wanted to actually,” Amy speaks timidly, Hope almost misses it because it’s so quiet, but at the same time doesn’t for the fact that Hope could easily recognize Amy’s voice from anywhere.

“If that’s what you want.”

“If your okay with that too Hope,” Amy reminded her, “I care about your opinion too.”

“I wouldn’t mind it Amy,” Hope says after a minute, “I know I never wanted much out of life before really getting to know you, but I know that I’d do anything if it meant that it would make you happy.”

“I want to make sure you’d be happy with it too,” Amy stated, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable about that.”

“You know I don’t care about touchy shit anymore,” Hope laughed softly, “You couldn’t make me uncomfortable about anything really.”

Amy giggled softly, “You’re such a sap.”

“Only for you,” Hope whispers softly, “Only for you, mon amour.”

“But you would?” Amy asks.

“I wouldn’t mind it Amy,” Hope hummed out, “But if it doesn’t happen, there wouldn’t be anything to regret, I’ve still got you, a family would just be an added bonus.”

“I’m glad you’re not opposed to it,” Amy relaxed, “I was worried you were going to shut that down.”

“Shut that down?” Hope snickered, “I couldn’t shut you down if I tried. You know I love knowing what makes you tick, and the thought of you-“

“Stop,” Amy interrupts with a whine, “Your gonna start making me cry.”

“Sorry.”

“No you’re not,” Amy whispers, “I know the ending of that sentence, and I know for a fact you know I’m super touchy feely about that sort of thing.”

“I do now?” Hope chuckled, “Well I guess I don’t have you on your toes enough anymore than.”

“My toes?” Amy fumbled through a laugh, “That sounds so weird babe.”

“How?” Hope chuckled, “You think I’m not sorry though?”

“Not for a second.”

“What gives me away then?” Hope asked.

“It doesn’t seem like you mean it,” Amy breathed out through a yawn, “Your usually sorry when it’s a big deal and I’m mad at you.”

“Speaking of which, I still can’t believe you banned me from watching _Friends_ until I do all of the chores daily,” Hope reminds, “I should be mad at you about that.”

“Yeah,” Amy yawned again, “But you were having twelve hour marathons on the weekends Hope, you didn’t shower until Sunday nights.”

“That doesn’t mean you take away my seasons,” Hope murmured.

“It’s divine intervention,” Amy sighed, “I was frustrated with you and so I did something about it.”

“And by me taking out the trash automatically means that I’m a good wife.”

“You need structure.”

“I work,” Hope confided, “I could have a drinking problem, or a heroin addiction, being fascinated and watching _Friends_ for long periods of times on the weekend isn’t a big deal.”

“You forget that your so extra when I hide them.”

“Extra?” Hope asked, “I’m extra? You’re just saying that because we fuck more when you pull that kind of shit.”

“I guess you finally figured out my motive over that then.”

“There is no end to you in that department, is there?” Hope playfully scoffed through an amused smile against the back of Amy’s neck, “And you’re the one suggesting we have kids.”

“Your right,” Amy murmured, “You’re still a five year old anyway.”

“If I’m a five year old than that makes you a pedophile babe.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Amy huffed, “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Hope yawned, “You love sleeping with me.”

“I mean,” Amy trailed off, “That’s the reason I was bring up starting a family Hope. It has nothing to do with our sex lives, I just love you.”

“I still can’t believe that,” Hope breathed out, “You know it’ll be less if we have kids though, right?”

“No it won’t.” Amy countered, “I’m sure we can drop them off with my parents on the weekends.”

“Wow,” Hope murmured, “Classy parenting skills Antsler, shuffling our kids around so we can canoodle”

“Don’t say that,” Amy chastised with a groan.

“What? Canoodle?”

“Yes. That,” Amy concluded, shuffling forward before letting out a sigh, “Now, go to sleep.”

“Alright, alright,” Hope rolled her eyes, “I love you, and God forbid my princess doesn’t get enough shut eye.”

“Fuck off,” Amy murmured through a laugh, “You’re such a dork.”

“But you love this dork.”

“Yeah,” Amy states, “I really do.”

And like that, Hope thinks about the earlier topic for a few more minutes as Amy’s breath steadily evens out, softly feeding into Hope’s natural white noise. She mentally tries to picture the thoughts behind her eyelids for seconds before falling into the same state.

She’d be lying if she didn’t think about it more than just that one time.

Perhaps she adored that thought.

Like some kind of adventure, and Hope would be lying if she didn’t like adventures.

_One with Amy?_

_Yeah, Hope would be down for that._

But kids? There was something strange behind that word, mix that with the thought of including Amy into the meaning, and Hope was a sold.

_For sure._

Maybe starting something like that seemed weird at first glance, but the thought that Amy would be involved made it seem like something worth doing.

_Hope wouldn’t mind a family, Amy, and hers._

_Yeah, that would be nice._

* * *

It wasn’t working.

Amy was upset a lot because of it.

It was quite frustrating really, and it killed Hope to know that Amy wasn’t happy. They’d been trying this for a few months.

Everything came back normal from Amy’s tests, everything was perfectly fine.

But it wasn’t working, and Amy was a wreck because of it.

Hope was too, she was just never one to show it publicly. Always making room for Amy’s needs before her own. They hardly spoke about it unless it was on Amy’s end, Hope didn’t know how to address the situation otherwise, it seemed touchy, and she wanted to understand what was going on with Amy before she wanted to bring up that sort of thing.

She never really wanted to leave their bed anymore, meaning Hope had to bring her food or else she wouldn’t eat, and even then it was a struggle to sit Amy up and convince her that everything was fine.

Even when it really wasn’t.

Amy’s writing gigs for the women’s blogs she wrote for were dwelling down, and so most of their finances weighed onto her own shoulders. Hope wasn’t particularly happy about that, but she cared about Amy more than money really.

She wanted to be there for Amy, and she didn’t feel like she really could at this point.

It would amount to Amy reminding her whenever she tried to stay home from work, to get up and get ready despite everything on Hope’s end, Amy’s persistence to convince Hope to get up was a big factor most weekday mornings.

Hope understands, it’s not a way of Amy pushing her away, Amy still cares that Hope’s around and wants to care about her, but she doesn’t want her to stop all of her plans just to stall beside her.

But Hope wants to, she cares so much for Amy, and the very fact that Amy’s upset about this sort of thing hurts.

Hope doesn’t care about that, she had Amy. She wishes she could understand that she was enough for her, Hope didn’t need a big family to make herself feel powerful and meaningful.

Hell, if Amy said yes to just a cat, Hope would be down for that.

She doesn’t believe that this was necessary, their intimate lives were remotely slimmer than they were, and if Hope was honest about that, it bummed her out that Amy didn’t see that she was perfectly fine the way she was.

_Perfect actually._

She doesn’t know why that part became less, but it just did.

In a way, Hope forgot about that sort of thing in favor for Amy’s own emotions through pregnancy tests and just flat out crying over internet banners.

Hope didn’t care about being intimate in that sense, she felt that intimacy came down to more than just sex in general. And even sex was just what it was, Hope found the most intimate moments with Amy were the ones where Amy showed she cared for Hope.

The fact that she was so persistent in Hope going to work, was nothing to scoff at.

Hope cares about the little things.

In favor of those things, she would always choose to set an alarm after she would get ready, twenty minutes of extra time she could use to eat breakfast or something of that sort, but she doesn’t. She skips breakfast, choosing to hear Amy complain about her wrinkling her work clothes or brushed hair in favor of crawling back into bed beside her.

Hope chooses that no matter what, she would trade that time to stay there and hold Amy for a few more minutes.

And it’s more for her own benefit than Amy’s actually.

Once the alarm goes off, she’d slowly get up to leave, making sure Amy was okay before slipping out of the door and beginning her commute to work.

For some reason, this was the time where Hope would break down in frustration, driving down the interstate to the sound of FM radio turned down low on some morning talk show station. She never really wanted to, it was just always the time she really had for herself.

She refused to cry about this in front of people, especially Amy, who in fact was as torn, if not more so about this situation more than her.

But Hope wasn’t upset for the same reason as Amy, she was upset because of the fact that Amy wasn’t happy.

She just wanted Amy to be happy, it’s all she ever wanted out of life really. It was some mental vow she said to herself after signing the papers a few years ago. She wishes Amy could understand that this wasn’t something to take so seriously.

Hope loved her for who she was, she didn’t need a family to feel perfect.

She just needed Amy.

It had always been Amy.

* * *

“We could always adopt,” Hope mentioned once, and Amy had pursed her lips at that statement, like she was trying to concentrate on trying to picture that thought as she looked up from the back of a pregnancy test box.

“Why?” Amy says, “What are you trying to say?”

“Nothing,” Hope shook her head, “I’m not saying anything babe, I just was suggesting.”

“I don’t-“ Amy inhales sharply, “I want it to be ours.”

“It would be ours,” Hope interjected, running a hand through her hair, “You of all people should understand that family isn’t defined by DNA strands, it’s measured by love. That’s what makes people truly family.”

“Hope,” Amy speaks, after a moment of silence, “I just wanted it to be between us.”

“It’s not going to be ours completely Amy,” Hope sighs, “It’s not like we’re straight people Amy.”

“You know what I mean,” Amy murmured, “I don’t want to adopt.”

“Okay,” Hope says softly, “I just wanted to see if you would be open minded about it.”

“Are you saying you don’t want that?”

“No,” Hope shook her head, “I was merely trying to see how you felt about other methods, you know what the doctor said.”

“Yeah,” Amy bit the inside of her cheek before unwrapping the stick and slipping it into the partially full cup, “I know.”

I mean, you know how I feel about this babe,” Hope sighed, “I hate seeing you torn up about this.”

“I’m not-“

“I know you are,” Hope interrupts her, “I know you.”

“I just-“ Amy inhales sharply before laughing in disbelief, “I just really want this, you know?” Amy looks down at the vanity, “I mean, I just never really thought much more about this stuff until really giving it a chance to truly picture it.”

“And how did it look?”

“I mean here I am,” Amy gives a small smile, “Obviously I liked how I saw it Hope.”

“I just want you to know though,” Hope looks over to Amy’s frame as it leans against the vanity tensely, slowly reaching out to overlap Amy’s hand that rests flat on the sink with her own, “You know either way, I don’t care what happens, as long as I’ve got you I’m happy as I am. Not doing this won’t make me regret anything.”

“But you want that though?” Amy asks, turning her hand over to interlace their fingers.

“Kids?” Hope surmised and Amy nods, “Sure. But they aren’t you Amy, they’re just parts of you.”

“No,” Amy laughs softly, “They’re parts of us.”

“Us?” Hope raised a brow with an amused smile, “Didn’t know you had it in you to be so sappy Antsler.”

“You make me do strange things.”

“I hope you like those things then,” Hope replied, “Or else this would be extremely weird.”

“I do,” Amy murmured, “I really do.”

“But as I was saying earlier,” Hope confided, “You know I’m going to love you no matter if this happens or not.”

“Okay,” Amy says.

“Okay?” Hope raises a brow, “I want to know if you understood that.”

“Okay,” Amy nodded, “I do.”

“Good,” Hope sighed, “I love you.”

“I knew that already babe,” Amy rolled her eyes.

“Only because I just told you,” Hope countered.

“Now and the other seventy thousand times this past hour.”

“Whatever, just fucking check the thing already,” Hope pursed her lips with an exasperated huff.

“Alright,” Amy spoke after a minute, looking down at the plastic stick dunked into the small Solo cup that sat on the edge of the bathroom vanity, “I have a good feeling about this.”

* * *

They move somewhere north, to a lake house that her grandfather gave her family after his passing back when Hope was fourteen or so.

Amy’s five months, and Hope’s enduring all of the chatter of that sense, they plan on moving back to LA pretty soon however, and it’s not even a question to why because Hope knows that they’re going to need all of the help they could get.

She’d be lying if she said that she didn’t like the look of Amy pregnant anyway. Truly something she’d never imagined ever really seeing.

Maybe that’s why it was so troubling for her focus to train on anything else but the fact that this was real.

Amy still wanted to act like she could do everything, even though she had trouble more often than that, something about being in pain most of the time. She wouldn’t bring it up much, but Hope could just tell, and it wasn’t something Hope took lightly. Most of the time Hope didn’t want Amy to even lift a finger, but alas she understood most of the time she had to let things slide.

Yeah, Hope understands why Amy wanted this now, there was just something in the sight of knowing that this was theirs.

They’re own little adventure, and Hope still didn’t believe she was worthy of being this much of a footnote in Amy Antsler’s story.

Even now, Hope has to pinch herself. 

It grew from kissing and causal flings to vomiting sessions at 3 AM with Hope there to smooth Amy’s hair from her mouth and keep her company despite feeling incredible amounts of morning sickness.

Hope had to remind her to eat hourly. It usually helped.

Their bookshelf consisted of books about pregnancy, and God, there was a lot of information that they never taught in Sex Ed.

For starters, no one ever tells you that movies hype up that shit, and the whole situation of a vampire and a human consummating their marriage?

Yeah, not an actual thing. _Shocker_.

She’s had to turn off _Twilight_ more times than she could count on both hands because Amy insistently wanted to put on cheesy straight coupled romance movies that end up being the white noise that she would fall asleep to on their couch.

It wasn’t all easy though, but it was exciting, and nothing good ever came easy.

Molly caught wind from Amy after they had called Amy’s parents after they came down from the second month, Hope had to twist Amy’s arm not to let her call her best friend to gush the details to sooner.

Actually, Amy rarely called Molly about that sort of thing after they found out, she was more focused on Hope and her constructive excitement to start planning a huge game plan on what she thought it would be like.

Perhaps that’s when Hope fully knew that she loved Amy from the start, the warm tingly feeling growing in stages to what it was now. There wasn’t one thing that Hope could pick out about Amy that she thought was flawed.

Okay, maybe Amy had too high of expectations sometimes, and overthought most things, but that wasn’t something to critique.

Molly was enthusiastic about the whole thing too, Hope guesses that maybe Molly would be behind some scheme of procreation. She seemed like the sort of person to try to persuade someone into having an open mind about that sort of thing. Maybe Hope thought it was alright, after all it was Amy, and Amy seemed thrilled to be in the position she was.

Okay, not completely true.

She still had pains every now and again, and Hope would _again_ , instantly want to carry her or do anything she had to do to make her life easier.

If Amy would let her, she’s carry her to the bathroom. But that was insanity and that wasn’t really realistic, she doubts her back could endure that.

Not that Amy’s fat or anything, Hope’s just really out of shape, and she doesn’t want to hurt Amy.

Or their kids.

_Kids?_

Hope still could never believe it.

* * *

Hope wakes up to the feeling of Amy’s lips pressing down her jawline, one of the many ways that this is totally different, there’s unspoken signs that Hope has learned since the beginning. Hormones certainly were an added bonus as well.

There’s always a moment in the mornings where it’s just Hope blinking her eyes open to the sight of Amy’s face staring up at hers with a soft smile, and Hope swears it’s the most vulnerable and sensual sight Hope could ever imagine it to be. It’s like they’re in their own little world, one where Amy sleeps on her left side of the bed close to the bedroom door for the bathroom if she ever does need it, with Hope’s hands wrapped around her midsection.

Like she’s nervous that someone would come and take Amy away.

Extremely unreasonable to think about, but Hope just ends up feeling better knowing that Amy’s right there.

Maybe Annabelle was right about her being whipped, she’s been that way since high school after all, she just never was brave enough to show it until Amy’s trip to Botswana.

Probably due to the fact that Ryan wasn’t there to occupy Amy’s mind as much as when they went to school, or to the fact that Amy was the one to call her first, Hope knows deep down that she couldn’t have pulled that off if anyone told her to. But mainly because she missed Amy once she left for Botswana.

That’s why she gave her that number.

The bathroom had something to do with it, sure, but it was mainly because Hope knew Amy saw her finally.

She wanted to take advantage of the trip as well, call her crazy.

Hope knew deep down that if she didn’t give Amy her number it would’ve been a hit or miss situation, but unlike Hope, Amy believed in soulmates and things of that nature.

Technically speaking, Amy thought that somehow they would’ve made their ways back to each other, number or not.

It’s enduring to think about, how Amy had hope for them from the beginning. But never truly opening her eyes until that night at Nick’s party.

She’s thankful Amy did notice, she wouldn’t have the same sort of lazy Sundays without her.

If she didn’t have Amy, it would probably consist with her and seven cats in an outdated trailer, and the thought alone seems mortifying.

She loves Amy too much to give anything up.

And twins? Yeah they were nice too.

* * *

“Are you sure you can handle them?” Amy pressed again, both Annabelle and Molly each have a toddler wrapped tightly against them, Hope looks completely concerned with the image as Amy continues to fret over the sight.

“Hey,” Molly paused, “We’ve totally got this, Phoebe and Taylor will be fine Ames.”

“You picked us as Godparents anyway,” Annabelle stated, “I gave up date night with Lucas for you two.”

“Sorry,” Hope speaks, “You know how she is.”

“I still don’t know how you ever convinced her to bare your children,” Molly surmised, looking at Phoebe’s expression as she looks to Amy and reaches a stubby an arm out.

“I didn’t,” Hope stated, “You know the story anyway.”

“Yeah, so quit it Davidson,” Annabelle confirmed, “Let her be happy as a mother.”

“Anyway,” Amy jumps back in, “Bottles are in the fridge, you’ll have to warm them up.”

“Got that,” Annabelle stated, “They ate before we got here, right?”

“Yes,” Hope nods, “Make sure they’re asleep by seven at the latest.”

“And make sure Taylor has her blanket, she doesn’t sleep at all without it,” Amy rushed out, looking back to Hope, “Diapers, you know where they are.”

“Yeah,” Annabelle furrowed a brow, “I’m stiffing Molly with that shit.”

“And no swearing in front of them either,” Hope pointed out, “We don’t need them getting any ideas.”

“Got it,” Annabelle rolls her eyes, “Go have your fun you two.”

Amy looked as if she was ready to protest about this situation, if it weren’t for Hope’s since hand taking hold of hers and softly guiding her into their foyer, “You have your pump, right?”

“I think it’s upstairs still.”

“I’ll go grab it,” Hope states, “Wait here.”

Hope presses a kiss to Amy’s temple before rushing up the staircase and running into the small room off to the right side, painted blue and yellow with several picture frames straggled over the course of the room.

They majority are of Amy and herself, some of them duplicate into the ones hanging up the staircase wall, and some of them are of Taylor and Phoebe themselves.

Hope’s still stunned at the sight of them, they look like Amy to a certain extent, Taylor’s got Amy’s faint reddish hair while Phoebe’s eyes that sport they’re own hazel. Minor differences, but Hope’s sure in certain lights that they share her nose.

_Yeah, not a good trait to have if you ask her._

It was a luck of a donner, matching specific traits to her own, and through the trouble of the rough patch here they were. They mostly represented Amy in a lot of ways, and Hope adored that.

Actually, Hope thinks she loves them more because they remind her of Amy.

She’s around twenty-eight, but she still feels eighteen, Amy’s still as beautiful as ever in her opinion, and if she was frank, she could have wished for a better life.

She never expected this, not for a minute.

* * *

“Are you going to seriously call her again?” Hope asked, they’re seated in the backseat of a taxi on their way to time square, moving steadily through the bustle of traffic as the bright lights of New York City illuminate the inside of the car.

“No,” Amy murmured, “I was just seeing _if_ they called.”

“I saw you in Molly’s contact,” Hope reprimanded, “I know you were considering it.”

“So what if I was?” Amy murmured, “I shouldn’t be nervous about this?”

“They’re six sweetheart, and it’s just for the rest of the holiday.”

“It’s New Years, Hope.”

“Exactly,” Hope rolled her eyes, “Which is why you shouldn’t be so nervous about this, Molly and Annabelle have taken care of Phoebs and Tay so many times before, there’s no reason they couldn’t now.”

Amy sighed, locking her phone before looking out of the window then back to Hope, “Sorry, you know how it is.”

“Yeah,” Hope nods, “But you know I’m right here with you baby.”

Hope reaches out to hold Amy’s hand before lacing her fingers through Amy’s hand, pulling Amy’s hand to her lips to press a kiss to the back of her hand before seeing Amy blush at the sight.

“What are you doing?” Amy laughed softly.

“I think it’s called being your wife?” Hope raised a brow, “I believe I’ve been doing this for quite some time now.”

“I believe your quite good at it too,” Amy gave a smile before leaning to rest her face into the shoulder of Hope’s fringed jacket, “I can’t believe you convinced me to do this.”

“What?” Hope raised a brow.

“Go on a date in the same clothes that we wore on the last day of school.”

Hope grinned, “You thought you wouldn’t fit into that jacket?”

“Sort of?”

“It’s alright,” Hope stated, “I’ll have you any way you are.”

Hope feels Amy squeeze her hand once, before looking out of the backseat window. It’s kind of a blind signal that they’ve shared since they started dating, and Hope squeezes back.

Amy repeats the action, except squeezing twice, and Hope follows.

It continued until Amy does it three times.

Hope kisses her temple after a moment, mumbling a soft, “I love you.”

“Such a charmer Hope Antsler.”

“Oh Jesus,” Hope rolled her eyes, “Can’t I do anything nice?”

“No,” Amy giggled out, “But you can kiss me in the back of this taxi and perhaps I could let you do a few things when we get back to our room.”

“You had me at kiss.”

* * *

And maybe there was no real time where Hope managed to fall in love with Amy, it was all a matter of stages, all of them starting and ending with her, Taylor, and Phoebe.

They were happy, and yes, they did shuffle Phoebe and Taylor around sometimes so they could have times to themselves, and it was always difficult the majority of the times. Even when they weren’t alone Amy still looked at her like she did when she Hope ran after her.

The same affectionate gaze that usually had Hope on edge most times, wanting to be as close as she can to Amy among other things.

Molly and Jared ended up somehow married too, which Hope never saw working out in the first place, but it ended up doing so, and Annabelle ended up marrying some European underwear model.

Everyone had lives that were great, and Hope never understood what she did to ever deserve Amy, but she’s glad she did.

She’s glad she reached up to answer those phone calls at 2 AM, she’s glad she moved into that higher tax district.

Hope would go through whatever she had to, to get to this spot again. There’s no doubt in her mind that she loves Amy.

_To no end will she ever stop._

There are days where she wishes she could lie in bed with her, and days where she wishes she could travel around the world.

But they’re in their mid-thirties now, and Taylor and Phoebe are older than they were when Hope last remembered, time goes by so fast.

That’s part of the reason Hope loves photography so much, taking pictures of things. To memorize and remember them for later dates.

She believes that’s one of the important things to do in life, since time is remotely fleeting whether you wish it to or not. In most circumstances it seems logical to do so, to memories those times.

Good or bad, life is life.

And Hope plans on living this life until the day her bones are in the ground beside Amy’s, even then she always wants to protect her, in life and in death.

Falling in love in stages, she’s been in love with her for ages, her whole life.

_She may not believe in much, but she believes in the power of her own name._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> before you all start yelling at me about how this is so shitty and inaccurate... i stg... i know, i know... 
> 
> i'm aware of the part where these two aren't seen as parents and hell... married? but really though... come on... cut me some slack here... think about this... i needed some of this shit to get by right now.
> 
> should i write more of these two... like this? idk.
> 
> catch up to me on insta fam - @gaypieceofbooksmarttrash 
> 
> _(I'm sorry I love The 1975 so much.... fuck... if i could i'd write something to "She's Way Out" or "Heart Out" or like... "Girls" )_
> 
> _(SOMEONE WRITE SOMETHING TO GIRLS FOR ME... PLEASE... I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER... I STG)_
> 
> okay bye.


End file.
